These Phrases shared by A Parent Which Helped Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider failure to open up among men, who continue to hold onto negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a break - going on a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."