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Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin seeing any man, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in lots of pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter someone offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring what you want completely … and later on you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a American psychotherapist who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.